


Thicker than Water

by AidanChase



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Blood, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Hospital, Suicide mention, no spoilers past the raven boys, pre-raven boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 01:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3432977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AidanChase/pseuds/AidanChase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two short stories about Gansey and Ronan and Adam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thicker than Water

**Author's Note:**

> This might seem like two disconnected stories for Gansey, but they were sort of meditative for me. I really identify with Gansey and I when I was his age, I had two very good friends, one of which was in an abusive relationship and an abusive home, and another who struggled with depression and had multiple suicide attempts, and on top of it did not have a supportive homelife where she could get the help she needed.
> 
> So I guess I probably projected a lot onto Gansey and maybe you'll read him as really out of character, so if that's true, I'm sorry. Maybe these were just more experimental or theraputic for me, Idk. I don't usually post stuff I'm personally attached to so this is kind of odd.
> 
> Feel free to be critical, I love criticism, but maybe be gentle.
> 
> EDIT: AHHHH I was listening to the raven boys today and realized Adam doesn't actually know how to drive stick before he meets Blue fml I'm so sorry i fricked up forgive this inaccuracy in the story

Ronan Lynch was not at school on Thursday. This, on its own, did not concern Gansey because it was Ronan. He was, however, disappointed by it, because he was hoping Ronan would help him clear out the bottom floor of Monmouth.

They’d spent the last few months cleaning out an old abandoned factory, because Gansey had a habit of falling in love with old abandoned things. That, and Gansey did not want to live in Aglionby housing. He’d spent the last four years of his life traveling the world independently, and he did not have any desire to live in a dorm with things like curfew and clean checks, or worse, a roommate.

Not that Gansey disliked people, and being social, but that Gansey did not live well with people his age. Gansey lived like an absent-minded scholar, with old books poorly stacked, and loose sheets of paper scattered about. He also struggled with insomnia, and often stayed up late reading or writing or researching, and he did not expect any of the students at Aglionby to put up with him.

Ronan was one of those rare people that tolerated, or maybe even enjoyed, Gansey’s eccentricities. Not many people would call Gansey eccentric, but Ronan would. Actually, Ronan might use a phrase like, “nut job,” because he was Ronan Lynch and “eccentric” was not part of his day-to-day vocabulary like it was for Gansey.

Since Ronan was unusually absent for Latin, Gansey approached the new scholarship student for partner work. Without Ronan, Gansey thought he’d prefer to work with someone who wanted to work, rather than a friend on the rowing team who would copy his answers, right or wrong.

Adam Parrish was not really what Gansey considered anti-social, but Adam was not someone who had many friends at school. Adam had neither friends like the many names Gansey knew and they knew his in turn, nor friends in the way Ronan and Gansey were. This puzzled Gansey, but curiosity was his _hamartia _.__

__Adam gave Gansey a strange look, like he was suspicious of the offer, and Gansey wondered if Adam had recourse for being suspicious of these sorts of offers. But Adam made room on the desk for him without protest._ _

__“I’m Gansey, by the way,” he said._ _

__“I know,” Adam said. Gansey could not be sure if it was unfriendly. Then, Adam said, in a voice that sounded less like an introduction and more like an apology, “I’m Adam Parrish.”_ _

__“I know.” Gansey smiled like he’d made a joke._ _

__Adam returned it._ _

__On Friday, Ronan Lynch was at school. Gansey could see the dramatic change before Ronan told him what had happened._ _

__Usually, Ronan reminded Gansey of a taut rubber band. If you were careless, it would snap against you, and it would sting. But now, Ronan was like an unsheathed blade. There was nothing between you and cold steel and it would not just sting. You would bleed, careless or not._ _

__Ronan was not forthcoming with the answers about his change. He said, “My dad’s dead,” and that was all. Gansey could only offer his condolences._ _

__It was Declan who later told Gansey how Ronan found Niall Lynch yesterday morning, and even if Declan hadn’t mentioned the details of Niall being beaten to death with a tire iron, Gansey would’ve heard it in the gossip around school._ _

__In Latin, when they were told to partner up, Adam Parrish gave Gansey a brief glance over his shoulder, like yesterday’s offer might still stand. Gansey, however, did not feel comfortable leaving Ronan, or introducing Ronan to new people in his state. He hoped, as Adam turned back to his own work, Adam wasn’t offended._ _

__For the most part, however, Gansey was left to conjugate on his own. Ronan was not interested in anything today, except glaring down their Latin teacher, or glaring down anyone who whispered behind their hand and looked at him. This did not include Adam Parrish, and Gansey wondered if it would be safe to invite Adam over to their table. He asked Ronan a question about the appropriate tense in question four, and Ronan responded with a phrase in Latin Gansey didn’t know._ _

__But their Latin teacher said, “Mr. Lynch,” in a clear, cold, scolding tone, and Gansey knew Ronan had made an inappropriate joke. He thought he saw Adam Parrish suppress a laugh in his hand. This earned Adam a stare from Ronan, and Gansey decided it would not be prudent to introduce the two of them at this time._ _

__At lunch, Gansey waited at their usual picnic bench. He saw the chaos Ronan made before he actually saw Ronan._ _

__It was a crowd of students, arranging themselves in something of a circle, and shouting. Gansey did not care about two students scuffling like they were in a prison yard instead of a private, prestigious, academy. And then he heard someone shout, “Lynch,” and that left three options, all of which were likely in the wake of tragedy._ _

__Gansey shoved his way to the center of the fight to find Ronan had another student in a headlock and was throwing punches into his stomach. Gansey slipped one arm under Ronan’s shoulder and pulled, hissing threats of disciplinary action. But Ronan was fierce and Gansey could not get him to budge, not until another student came to help. This was Declan._ _

__With their combined strength, Gansey and Declan managed to separate Ronan from the other student._ _

__The student picked up a pair of broken white sunglasses from the floor. “Fuck you, Lynch,” he snarled, and disappeared into the crowd of students to nurse his wounds._ _

__Gansey could feel Ronan’s chest heaving underneath his hands, and Gansey was afraid to let him go._ _

__Ronan and Declan ended up in the counselor’s office. Gansey was asked to wait outside. He did. But when it came time for their next class, both Lynch brothers were still locked in the room, and Gansey asked the receptionist if they could call him out of class when he was needed. She said of course she could, but he was never called out of class. He didn’t see Ronan for the rest of the day, or the rest of the next._ _

__Gansey called Ronan after school on Friday and Ronan didn’t answer. He called Saturday morning and he got no answer, but he did get a text that said, “They’re reading the will today.” He texted back, “Do you want me to be there?” and Ronan didn’t text back._ _

__Gansey texted him Saturday night, to check in, and Ronan still said nothing._ _

__Sunday morning, Gansey was awoken by someone forcing their way into Monmouth Manufacturing. He scrambled for his glasses off of the bedside table but he had no weapon to grab. Fortunately, it didn’t matter because the door opened for Ronan Lynch, who was someone Gansey did not need a weapon for, and who was someone Gansey did not think any weapon could stop._ _

__A series of questions flooded Gansey’s half-awake brain. What was Ronan doing here? How had he gotten here? What happened with the will? Was everything alright? At least, as alright as it could be?_ _

__Before he could ask any of them, his phone rang. It was Declan. Gansey answered it, and his voice betrayed him as having just woken up._ _

__“Hello?”_ _

__“Is Ronan there?” Declan’s voice was as furious as Ronan had felt in that fight on Friday. Gansey could hear the heaving in between his words the way he’d felt it in Ronan’s chest._ _

__Gansey was not a liar by trade. Honesty was his favorite virtue, the one he prized above all else, the reason he and Ronan were inseparable. But when he saw the lightning rippling against Ronan’s skin, he said, “No.”_ _

__Declan’s rage was uncontainable, and his voice carried through the speaker to fill the room. “He stole the car. He stole Dad’s car--If you see him, you tell him--”_ _

__Gansey couldn’t be sure if Declan was interrupted or unsure of which threats to use. “I’ll tell him you’re looking for him,” he suggested._ _

__“What?” Declan’s attention came back to the phone. “No, tell him they’re boxing up the house today, and if he wants anything from his room, he better bring the car back and take care of it.”_ _

__“Sure,” Gansey said, and Declan hung up._ _

__Ronan had heard all of it. There was no need to repeat it._ _

__“What happened yesterday?” Gansey asked._ _

__Ronan told Gansey first about how the three Lynch brothers had gone home on Friday to find their mother collapsed on the floor of her bedroom. The doctors did not know what was wrong with her. Depression, they’d suggested, or shock. But they couldn’t wake her up._ _

__Then Ronan told Gansey about the will, and how it barred the brothers from the Barns, until they were eighteen and graduated. That their inheritance came with the condition of a degree from Aglionby, and they were forbidden from going home until then._ _

__“That’s absurd,” Gansey said. “No court would ever--”_ _

__“That’s what I told Declan.” Ronan’s hands balled into fists and he walked over to Gansey’s desk, thrusting his knuckles against the dark wood. “I told him that and he said--he said that it didn’t matter, that this is what Dad wanted and we had to--” Ronan swore and kicked Gansey’s desk._ _

__Normally, Gansey would’ve scolded Ronan for such a violent outburst, but he didn’t think that would be fair today._ _

__“I’ll call my dad,” Gansey said. “He’ll be able to fix it.”_ _

__“It’s a will,” Ronan snarled, and sat down in Gansey’s desk chair. “There’s no fixing it.” He wrapped a hand around one of Gansey’s pens._ _

__Gansey didn’t know what to say, but he knew he had to say something, or Ronan would snap his pen, and it would only be the first casualty until all his pens were broken into two. So he said, “Do you want to go get your stuff?”_ _

__“No.” Ronan snapped the pen and reached for another._ _

__Gansey took off his glasses and grabbed a shirt from a small pile of clothes on the floor by his bed. “Okay. Then let’s go to IKEA.”_ _

__There was no formal or explicit invitation extended to Ronan. Gansey only decided Ronan would live with him at Monmouth Manufacturing, and Ronan did not need him to ask it. Gansey wasn’t much for roommates, but his parents had advised him it was unwise to live alone. If anyone could tolerate living with Gansey, it was Ronan Lynch. And if Gansey could tolerate living with anyone, it would be Ronan, even a Ronan as raw and broken and jagged as this one._ _

__

__\---_ _

__

__His first month of his junior year was everything Gansey expected. He and Adam had spent a summer walking ley lines, and Ronan and Noah had spent the summer building a paintball course in the parking lot of Monmouth, nevermind they didn’t have any paintball guns, and nevermind they had no interest in buying them._ _

__And then school started and Gansey was forced to abandon ley lines in favor of World History and Pre-Calculus and other subjects that held little interest for him in the context of school. He also had to devote his time to keeping Ronan’s grades afloat, and keeping Adam in one piece as much as he could._ _

__Adam Parrish was one of the best friends Gansey had made in Henrietta. He was reliable, intelligent, and he didn’t sneer at the quest for Glendower the way Ronan sometimes did. Even though Ronan didn’t mean his disdain, it was nice to have a friend who was earnestly excited for adventure, the way Ronan used to be._ _

__The trouble was, Gansey did not always get along with Adam Parrish. They fought frequently, actually, about Ronan and about money, and worst of all, about Adam’s father. Gansey could not--would not--understand Adam’s refusal to leave home. He understood the words Adam used, and their meanings in the context of the conversation, but he could not empathize, and they had many a fight over it._ _

__It was the end of September when they fought again. Gansey had only offered Adam a ride to and from work. Adam had politely refused. And then Gansey had pressed, trying to frame the offer like he wanted to talk to Adam about a possible point on the ley line. Adam, however, was not dumb, and called out Gansey’s real intentions--charity. Or, Adam had called it pity, but Gansey did not think that was the case._ _

__And then Ronan had made a rude remark, and Adam had left on his bike, and Gansey was left leaning against the Camaro, scolding Ronan, though he felt like some of it was Adam’s fault. He analyzed the conversation for the rest of the afternoon, trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. He could not understand it._ _

__Gansey sat at his desk that night, staring at his Pre-Calc homework but not really doing it. He tapped a pen against the desk and his eyes drifted to the setting sun just outside the windows. His thoughts wandered away from his conversation with Adam and to the larger problem of Adam’s home life. He did not know how to convince Adam to leave that house._ _

__His phone buzzed on his bed and he slid his chair away from the desk. He answered it without moving from his seat. “Yeah.”_ _

__“Is Ronan there?” Declan asked._ _

__Gansey could not find it in him to lie. “Yeah.”_ _

__“He’s not answering his phone.”_ _

__“What a complete surprise.” Gansey tried not to be cutting in his words, but he still held a bit of resentment against Declan over the enforcement of the will. He did not find it fair for anyone to be forced out of their home, especially when they were grieving, and he blamed Declan for at least some of Ronan’s sharper edges. Not all, because Ronan did a lot of his sharpening himself, but a good deal of it belonged to Declan._ _

__“It’s barely been a month at school and they’re already calling about his absences. You told me you’d get him to class.”_ _

__Gansey pinched the bridge of his nose. His contacts felt dry. “He’ll pass his classes.”_ _

__“Make sure he’s in them too.”_ _

__“Sure.” Gansey agreed by force of habit. Declan was not someone to anger._ _

__And the conversation was over. Wearily, Gansey got up and knocked on Ronan’s door. There was no answer. He knocked again and opened the door._ _

__Ronan was not wearing headphones, like Gansey expected. Ronan was merely ignoring him and twirling a pen, decorated in peacock feathers. The artistry looked so real, Gansey thought it would be soft to the touch._ _

__Ronan looked up at him and tossed the pen into a corner of the room. “What the fuck do you think a closed door means?”_ _

__“Declan called.”_ _

__Ronan snorted as if this information was irrelevant._ _

__“You’re skipping classes?”_ _

__“What does it matter?” Ronan pushed himself off of his bed and grabbed his headphones off his desk._ _

__“Two more years, Ronan. That’s all you’ve got to push through.”_ _

__“Get out of my room.” Ronan put his headphones on and reached under his desk. He grabbed a six pack of beer and set it on his desk._ _

__Gansey knew this was a direct attack and he did not want to take it personally but it felt like Ronan meant it personally. Gansey absolutely forbid alcohol in Monmouth Manufacturing, and he actively discouraged Ronan from drinking outside Monmouth, but in both cases his authority was not much stronger than Declan’s._ _

__“Don’t do this,” Gansey said, but Ronan’s music was so loud Gansey could hear it from where he was standing, and Ronan was already opening a beer._ _

__Gansey closed Ronan’s door and went to take his contacts out. He just wished he had some control in his friends lives, ways he could help them. But he was powerless. He could not help Adam out of his home, or pay for Adam’s education. He could not bring back Ronan’s father or give Ronan a way to go home again. There was no healing his friends, only hoping he could hold them together just long enough, just until they were all graduated._ _

__He sank into his bed and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Graduation never felt so far away. Freedom never felt so far away. Freedom to search for Glendower without worrying about homework or attending classes, or worrying about whether every time he said goodbye to Adam it would be the last time he did so._ _

__Gansey drifted into a restless sleep. It was full of Pre-Calc problems he couldn’t solve and boxing matches between Ronan and Adam._ _

__He woke suddenly and sat upright. It was dark. Ronan’s door was open. Gansey put on his glasses and looked at his phone. Two am. He shuffled out of bed and looked out at the parking lot. The BMW was gone as well._ _

__Gansey swore and knocked on Noah’s door. He had visions of Ronan driving drunk, or racing drunk, visions of the BMW crashed in a ditch, Ronan with his head smashed against a window, bleeding out, alcohol thinning his blood._ _

__He pounded again on Noah’s door. Noah opened it. Gansey was surprised to see him still wearing his uniform. Maybe Noah had been up doing homework._ _

__“Do you know where Ronan is? He’s gone, with his car.”_ _

__Noah shook his head. “I’ll check the park.”_ _

__Gansey nodded, and grabbed the keys for his Camaro. “I’ll check the church.” Maybe Ronan went somewhere comforting, and church was oddly comforting for Ronan._ _

__As Gansey drove he wondered if he should call Adam. It would not be wise. And he and Adam had just fought. And what if it wasn’t Adam who answered._ _

__Gansey circled the block of the church and saw no sign of Ronan’s car. He parked and left the car idling while he went to check inside the building. The doors were locked. He got back in his car and looked at his cell phone. He wondered again if he should call Adam._ _

__His phone rang. It was Ronan._ _

__“Where are you?”_ _

__But it wasn’t Ronan’s voice on the other end, it was Noah’s. “I found him. Come quick--the park--”_ _

__Gansey drove as fast as he could. It was so dark, he could barely see Noah standing on the path. But he ran, and then he saw why Noah had said to hurry. Ronan was lying in the dirt path. There was blood everywhere and Gansey desperately wished it didn’t all belong to Ronan but there was no mistaking the open slashes in Ronan’s wrists and the way they soaked Ronan’s shirt and the dirt around him._ _

__Noah was frozen over Ronan and looked like he might vomit. It must’ve taken all Noah’s courage to call Gansey._ _

__“Did you call 911?”_ _

__Noah shook his head._ _

__Gansey held his panic at bay by being practical. He focused on what he had to do and not the terror of what might happen. He slid into the ground and pulled his shirt off. With one hand, he lifted Ronan’s hands up, trying to slow the blood flow, and used his shirt for pressure. With his other hand he called 911._ _

__After he hung up with emergency dispatch, he knew he had to call Adam._ _

__The phone rang once. Gansey pleaded for Adam to answer. It rang twice. Halfway through the third ring a quiet voice with a faint accent answered, “Hello?”_ _

__Gansey wanted to cry with relief that it was Adam, and he sounded okay, but there was still so much more to panic about. “Adam, it’s Gansey. Ronan--he--I called an ambulance. I found him in the park, I--”_ _

__Gansey didn’t know what to say. He was asking Adam for help, but even he wasn’t sure what sort of help he needed. Ronan had been found, and help was on its way, but he wanted Adam there. He needed Adam there._ _

__He could hear Adam’s breathing through the speaker, slow and quiet. Even that calmed Gansey a little. “I’ll meet you at the hospital,” Adam whispered. And the call disconnected._ _

__Was it right of Gansey to ask Adam for help? To risk Adam’s safety for a little support? Was it right of Gansey to leave Ronan to his own devices? Was it right of him to let Ronan self-medicate? Was it his fault Ronan had done this?_ _

__The ambulance arrived and they had to pry Gansey’s hands off of Ronan’s. He was allowed into the ambulance, and he was told he would probably need to talk to police. He was asked if he knew of any family, and he found himself giving them Declan’s phone number._ _

__Adam Parrish was not at the hospital when they. Gansey waited alone outside an emergency room while they stitched Ronan’s wrists together, then he waited alone outside a hospital room while an IV slowly dripped blood back into Ronan’s system, until he asked the nurses to let him stay in the room with Ronan._ _

__“Family only,” they told him. “It’s policy.”_ _

__But he smiled a sad and tired smile, and told them he was the closest thing Ronan had to family right now, that they were more brothers than his biological brothers. They gave him a chair and asked if he wanted blankets and pillows._ _

__Declan arrived around sunrise. In the meantime, Gansey had put on a sweatshirt, hastily purchased at the hospital gift shop. Gansey told him what happened._ _

__“They want to keep him here,” Gansey said, twisting his watch around his wrist, “for twenty-four hours. Then they want to transfer him to another facility for about a week. Suicide watch and therapy and stuff.”_ _

__“That’s not necessary,” Declan said calmly._ _

__Gansey was not prone to temper tantrums. He did not often rage but he certainly felt like he could now. He did not understand Declan’s absolute apathy towards the situation. He could not understand how little Declan cared for Ronan. It made Gansey want to shout, but he did not._ _

__“Not necessary? I think he needs something.”_ _

__“He’s missed too much school already.”_ _

__“Then we should at least get him a therapist.” Gansey often used “we” in his arguments, especially with Declan. It both gave Declan responsibility while shouldering some of it himself. Sometimes it worked. Most of the time it didn’t._ _

__“I said it isn’t necessary. Besides, do you think he would go?”_ _

__Gansey could not argue that._ _

__His watch alarm beeped, alerting him that it was time to get ready for school. He shut it off and wondered if he should leave or not. He wondered where Adam was, and maybe he could catch Adam at school. But he did not want to leave Ronan, not alone with Declan._ _

__“Where’s Matthew?” he asked._ _

__“Asleep.”_ _

__“You didn’t tell him?” Gansey was again outraged by this. It was one thing for Declan not to care. It was an entirely different thing for Declan to leave Matthew, who did earnestly care for Ronan, out of this._ _

__“He’s better off not knowing.”_ _

__Gansey still could not understand. He could not understand Declan’s reasoning anymore than he could understand Ronan cutting open his own wrists. He rubbed his hands over his face and wondered again if he was doing the right thing. How could he save Ronan?_ _

__Adam arrived around eight in the morning. He was wearing his Aglionby uniform, perfectly pressed and starched, but Gansey could see a spot of purple on his neck, just above his collar, and another in the space just behind his ear._ _

__He felt intensely guilty for asking Adam to be here._ _

__“Sorry I’m late,” Adam said, as if the only thing that had kept him was car trouble. “Is he okay?”_ _

__Gansey did not know how to answer that. Was Ronan alive? Yes. Would Ronan be alive tomorrow? Probably. Would Ronan ever be okay? That he could not be sure of._ _

__“He’s alright,” Gansey said. “It was close, though.”_ _

__Adam looked at Declan and then at Gansey. Then he looked at Ronan, still unconscious--no, he’s only asleep, Gansey thought. That’s what the nurses had said. He was sleeping, while his body repaired itself._ _

__Declan looked at his watch. “I’m going to class,” he said. “You should too,” he said to the both of them, and Gansey thought he could apologize to the school just fine for missing a day, and that this was a valid excuse for missing school._ _

__Adam did not seem as comfortable with the idea of ditching class and he shifted his weight uneasily as Declan passed them._ _

__“You don’t have to stay,” Gansey said, though he very much did not want to be alone._ _

__“No, I’ll stay,” and Adam sat down in the chair next to Gansey._ _

__There was something soothing about Adam’s presence. Gansey felt like at least a little bit of the responsibility for Ronan could be transferred to Adam in a way he could not seem transfer it to Declan, no matter how hard he tried._ _

__“I can’t stand Declan,” he said quietly. He pressed his fist to his temple and closed his eyes. Gansey did not enjoy hatred the way he imagined Ronan did. He felt like it ate up all the better parts of him. And he especially did not want to hate Declan, who was a crucial factor in Ronan’s freedom. But he couldn’t help feeling resentment towards Declan._ _

__“He only wants what’s best for Ronan,” Adam said._ _

__Gansey might have thought this was true at one point, but today he seriously doubted it. “He won’t let them put Ronan on suicide watch. He said it isn’t necessary,” he hated the way his voice mimicked Ronan’s venom, “and neither is any sort of counseling or therapy.” Gansey ran his hands over his face, under his glasses. “Tell me I’m wrong, Adam. Tell me this is some accident or--or just a nightmare.”_ _

__Adam was quiet for a long moment. “You can’t fix people, Gansey. They’re not cars to be repaired or puzzles to be solved. They’re just… people. They’ve got to do it on their own.”_ _

__“But Ronan’s not on his own,” Gansey wanted to say, “and neither are you.” He did not think Adam would understand. Adam would only hear pity when Gansey meant so much more._ _

__“All you can do for Ronan is let him figure it out himself.”_ _

__Gansey was terrified of that answer. It was such an Adam answer. A desire to be responsible and take care of one’s self. But Gansey was afraid if he left Ronan to himself, Ronan would enjoy it too much, and eventually they’d all reassemble in the hospital not for an unconscious Ronan, but for a dead one. He could not let Ronan alone._ _

__“If it were me lying there, what would you do?”_ _

__Adam did not answer. It was not a question Gansey needed Adam to answer, he only wanted Adam to think about. He wanted Adam to try to understand that if things were ever turned around, he only expected Adam to treat him how he tried to treat Adam. That it wasn’t pity, but earnest friendship he tried to extend to Adam._ _

__Ronan stirred and opened his eyes. “Is Declan finally gone?” He looked between Adam and Gansey with a glare usually reserved for Declan. Gansey was impervious to it, but Adam shifted uncomfortably in his chair._ _

__Gansey stood and moved closer to Ronan. “You feel okay?”_ _

__“Do you?” he snapped back. When Gansey didn’t budge under his glare he turned it on the IV in his arm. “Get me the hell out of here.”_ _

__“You lost a lot of blood. They want to keep you for twenty-four hours.”_ _

__“I said get me the hell out of here,” Ronan snarled._ _

__Gansey let out a deep breath. He probably could talk to the hospital staff and get Ronan an early release. He did not think it would be difficult for Declan to approve it, either. But he wanted what was best for Ronan and he had no idea what that was anymore. He looked to Adam for help, but Adam was intently focused on his hands._ _

__“You need help,” Gansey tried._ _

__“It won’t happen again.” Ronan’s fists clenched and the beeping on the monitor sped up._ _

__“How do you know?”_ _

__“I promise it won’t happen again.” Ronan’s voice was like steel dragged over ice: cold, sharp, piercing, unwavering. Gansey could not deny him._ _

__“I’ll talk to the doctor,” he said quietly._ _

__The only difficult part of the conversation was that he had to leave Adam alone with Ronan. He wondered if Ronan would notice Adam’s bruises. He wondered if Adam would scold Ronan for today’s scare. He had no idea what they would fight about, but he was sure they would fight._ _

__The doctor took some convincing. Gansey told her Ronan was uncomfortable in hospitals, and really it was more detrimental to Ronan’s mental health to keep him here when you thought of it that way, and surely as long as there was someone with Ronan to keep an eye on him, it would all be fine._ _

__“His family did want him released as early as possible,” the doctor said and looked over her notes._ _

__For the first time in nine months, Gansey was grateful to Declan._ _

__The doctors released Ronan and gave Gansey some medication he was sure Ronan wouldn’t take. They gave them a date for Ronan to get his stitches removed. Gansey was sure Ronan would tear them out before that time came._ _

__Adam agreed to drive Ronan’s BMW back to Monmouth, but it was going to be a hassle between getting both the BMW and the Camaro from the park, and then retrieving Adam’s bike, all without leaving Ronan alone._ _

__“I can drive my own damn car,” Ronan hissed._ _

__“No,” Gansey said. He usually afforded Ronan a reason, or explanation, but he did not want to invite a fight with Ronan._ _

__Adam took Ronan’s keys from Gansey and left on his bike. Ronan and Gansey were left alone on the curb outside the hospital. Ronan chewed on the plastic hospital bracelet. Gansey twisted his watch around his wrist. They said nothing to each other._ _

__Eventually Adam arrived in Ronan’s BMW. Ronan tried to climb in the driver’s seat, but Gansey forced him into the back. Ronan seemed to think riding in the back seat of his car to be the height of dishonor. He refused to use a seatbelt, and instead laid down across the seats and kicked at the back of Gansey’s seat like a child throwing a tantrum._ _

__Gansey ignored this as best as he could, but Ronan was not content with a few kicks in protest and eventually settling down. He thrashed against Gansey’s seat for the entire drive._ _

__By the time they reached the park, Gansey’s lips were a thin line, his shoulder was bruised, and his patience was worn to shreds. He wasn’t sure he could handle the drive to Monmouth with Ronan, but he also had no desire to leave Ronan with Adam._ _

__He and Adam exchanged a weary glance, each begging the other to take Ronan home._ _

__Gansey finally conceded._ _

__“Come on, Ronan. We’re going back and then taking Adam to pick up his bike.”_ _

__Ronan kicked Gansey’s seat again in retaliation._ _

__Gansey got out of the car and opened the door to the back seat. He was prepared for Ronan to kick him, but instead Ronan was wrestling his way into the driver’s seat._ _

__“Give me my damn keys, Parrish.”_ _

__Adam shoved an elbow into Ronan’s neck and Gansey reached in to pull Ronan out. It was like dealing with an over-sized toddler, and Gansey was too young for this responsibility._ _

__Ronan swung a punch at Gansey’s face. Gansey was not quick enough to stop it. The pain flared at the point of contact and throbbed after the blow had receded. He grabbed Ronan’s wrist. His thumb brushed against the rough stitches. Ronan must’ve noticed it too, because he stopped, like a candle that had been snuffed out._ _

__When he spoke his voice was rough but not sharp. “It’s not what you think.”_ _

__“Then what is it?” Gansey asked desperately. He so badly wanted it to be anything else. He would accept any excuse Ronan gave him without question._ _

__But Ronan didn’t give him an answer. He wrenched his hand away and climbed into the passenger seat of the Camaro._ _

__Gansey leaned back into the BMW to make sure Adam was alright._ _

__“I’m fine,” Adam said and squinted at Gansey. “Did he punch you?”_ _

__Gansey shook his head at this and closed the passenger door. He got into the Camaro and as soon as the engine turned over, Ronan was blaring electronic music that drowned out everything, even Gansey’s worry. At least this was something normal, something he could understand._ _

__Once they arrived at Monmouth Manufacturing, Adam parked the BMW and slid into the back seat of the Camaro. Gansey looked at Ronan to see if Ronan would protest riding back to the hospital with them, but Ronan was staring disinterestedly out the window and making no move to exit. So Gansey put the car in gear and drove back for Adam’s bike._ _

__Ronan must have worn out whatever energy he had with his tantrum, because he was asleep when they arrived at the park. Gansey got out and walked Adam to his bike._ _

__“He’ll be alright,” Gansey said, but he didn’t think Adam was the one who was worried._ _

__“Maybe you should let go back to the hospital and have them look at your jaw,” Adam said._ _

__“Maybe you should have them look at your neck.” It wasn’t a fair jab, but he was exhausted from a long night, and irritated with both Ronan and Adam, and so tired of trying to keep his friends alive. He was sixteen and he should be worried about homework, or girls, or even just Glendower--an adventure. He should not have to worry that the people he cared about weren’t going to be there the next day._ _

__“I’ll see you in school tomorrow,” Adam said sharply and Gansey knew he deserved it._ _

__He sat back down in the idling Camaro and rubbed his hands over his face for what felt like the hundredth time in those last twenty-four hours. Adam was right. He couldn’t save anyone, but he felt that was less about the literal impossibility of it and more about his inadequacy as a person._ _

__He drove back to Monmouth and he and Ronan went upstairs. Gansey wondered if he should say something as Ronan shut his bedroom door, but all he could do was remind himself that Ronan had promised not to let it happen again, and Ronan did not make promises lightly._ _

__Noah appeared in his bedroom doorway. “He’ll be alright,” Noah said, and Gansey let out a heavy breath. It felt so good to hear someone else say it. And Noah, as unreliable as he was for showing up, was reliable with truths._ _

__“How was school?” Gansey asked._ _

__“Oh… I don’t know….” And Noah’s voice trailed off the way it often did and he closed himself in his room._ _

__Sometimes Gansey worried that Noah was bullied at school, and that made him shy and quiet, but he’d never heard anyone speak badly about Noah. He’d never heard anyone at school speak of Noah at all. At least Noah was one friend he didn’t have to worry about dying on him._ _


End file.
